Saturday, 9 July 2011

The Passion is Gone

Last night I did something which I haven't done since The Dark Ages back in March. It was born out of pure desperation after 2 days where I just couldn't get it together. No matter what I did, it seemed to go wrong and no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't find that spark of passion and enthusiasm that I so badly needed. Instead of a patient game of chess, I continued to throw away my queen early on, swiftly followed by my toys out of the pram. In total I racked up 12 losses and just 2 wins over the course of Thursday and Friday - by far my worst run of form in over 3 months. But the worst of them came at 3am on Saturday morning.

For the first time since those awful anxiety ridden, early spring days, I put my full stake down pre-match and just went along for the ride. A straight bet on Andy Roddick to beat David Ferrer, playing Davis Cup in his home town of Austin on a fast indoor hard court. I felt it couldn't go wrong against the dirt-baller.......... The worst thing was that I was £50 in the green at one stage and normally would have traded out for that amount, no question. But this was a straight bet. I wanted to recoup all my losses for the day. So I looked on in horror as Roddick squandered 3 set points, the last of which was given to the American by the umpire but over-turned following Ferrer's Hawk Eye challenge. The game changed after that, as Ferrer totally dominated. I could've come out and taken a smaller loss but I was too stunned and too much of a wreck. 4am and staring down the barrel of a full stake loss and losing week - brings back hellish memories.

I knew that when I awoke today, I had some serious thinking to do. I am deeply shocked that I am still capable of doing what I did last night. I'd only had 2 bad days and I was still only just in the red for the week. But this runs deeper than mere profit. I have come to a realisation that the reason I have struggled to focus for so long now, is that I have lost my passion for trading tennis. I'm bored with it. Maybe I got complacent after a good spell and maybe I needed a new challenge to get me going, I don't know. But maybe this whole trading lark just isn't for me. Whatever it is, I know that if I can't get that passion and enthusiasm back, then I'm finished. It happened with the football, although I was never as good a trader with that as I am now. Being a consistent loser always helps when giving something up!

But now, I'm actually profitable! I was starting to go places. So I can only think that I'm just burnt out. I just can't find that drive or that energy. When I start trading, I zone out and my mind wanders and so I end up placing a trade when I shouldn't, just in order to get my mind on the game. Then I'm stuck digging my way out of a hole and I don't have the focus or patience to do it properly and so dig that hole even deeper. I managed ok on Tuesday but it took a masssive effort and the fog returned the very next day. Too many days trading, too many hours sat watching, too much time spent thinking about ladders. Maybe I need a break or a holiday, a change of scenery. Not really something I can afford to do though. I don't know where to go from here to be honest. I'm not a quitter but I am seriously considering making big changes. I just don't know what right now.


  1. That is why mr. TradeShark toke hypnosis course after he did some BIG mistakes altough he is a pro tennis trader ... The BIG advantage that he got infront of as is that he can trade no more for days as the customers keep coming every day .
    So I just wait to read from you the state of mind come back :)

  2. Speedwave, you may want to check some facts haha. Theyre all on the blog. I didn't make BIG mistakes and if anything the customer who kept coming every day were a distraction to my sorting my head out. I still stand by the hypnosis as a great tools though.

    Sultan, It sounds like a break is definitely what you need. Do you take proper days off?

  3. I'm not really sure what you are talking about speedwave! Not gonna get involved on whatever this is about but I can vouch for hypnosis, having done it before and written about it on this blog.

    TS, I don't take days off and I know I should do. I have a weekend away planned in a couple of weeks, that should do the trick! In the meantime, I've had some more hypnosis and it has put me into a much better frame of mind so far this week and results are already improving :)


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