Well this is it. I'm now officially down the well. I'm back in the Gambler's Cycle of endless chasing and needless errors and negative thoughts. I've struggled against it all week, thought I'd just about managed to steady the ship but today, it all just exploded. Yet another day of poor focus lead to me taking 5 large reds. I lost almost my entire stake on one of them. I just lost the plot today as my head wasn't in the right place. I now realise that this has gone way too far without me taking drastic enough action. I guess I thought if I stayed calm and grinded it out, things would eventually turn but I now think that I've been too complacent thinking that. I need to take more action cos waiting isn't working.
I imagine what is going through my head right now is similar to that of Aravane Rezai. No matter what she seems to do this year, she just cannot get back that form from last year. Every game seems to go the exact same way; signs of promise, massive hitting, some breathtaking winners but by the end of the game, it's all hidden amidst a blanket of unforced errors, double faults and non-existent tactics. I feel for her, I really do, we are so alike in our current situations. Well, except she is a millionaire and I'm penniless. I'm sure that's of some comfort for her after today's loss. And yes, she did cost me money.
I'm absolutely livid with myself that after all the shit I've been through in the past, I still don't appear to have learnt from it. Losing focus is one thing; that was a new experience as a tennis trader. But chasing losses, getting involved at risky stages, not using correct exit and entry points, taking my eye off the game - these are inexcusable. Once, I can tolerate, it happens every now and then. But the number of times I messed up today must have gone into double figures. Even when I fortuitously scraped back a large chunk of green, I went and lost it all on the very next game, trying for too much.
No, today was the day when I realised I need to do more to stop the rot. So that's it - I'm taking a complete break. No more trading for a whole week. And whilst I'm away from the ladders, I will not even think about them. I don't need to change the strategy, I just need to follow it! Hopefully, I'll come back recharged and refreshed. I need a clean slate and that means attempting to rid my mind of the emotional baggage of the last few weeks. I've decided to scrap all my old paper records, purge myself of all those bad results. My new goals will be to work harder at retaining focus, keeping away from distractions and eradicating any thoughts about previous trades. I'm not disciplined enough and have really let myself slip. I will be trying new techniques which I hope will enable me to eventually clear my mind from trade to trade, wiping out any negativity.
The good news this week is that I have been redding-up at the 25% mark when required. Apart from one slip-up today, I seem to be getting better at accepting I'm wrong. The only problem is, I've got it wrong far too many times this week! And that is purely down to impatience and lack of focus. It seems only a proper break is ever going to fix this malaise I'm in. When I return, I expect to be in a sharper frame of mind and with a fresh set of weapons to help me in this psychological battle otherwise known as sports trading..............see you in August!