THAT miss is still haunting me. I thought I'd be able to get Man Utd v Chelsea out of my head but I can't. When I close my eyes, all I can see is Torres slicing wide and Rooney slipping over. In the back of my mind, I am still so angry at myself for getting involved in football when I didn't need to. I feel like banging my head against a wall for an extended period of time, until some sense is finally knocked into me. What an earth was I doing?! I was completely in the zone with my tennis trading. I guess I got over-confident, started experimenting with another sport and paid for it. Now I'm back to where I was before I read 'Trading From Your Gut' - anxious and uncertain. It's showed in my trading this week.
Instead of fully committing to my new aggressive, risk-taking approach, I got caught in two mindsets again. I reverted to my old ways and started cutting out too early or waiting too long to enter. I missed 4 or 5 brilliant opportunities which would have ended up as big wins. The Quebec WTA final was a classic example. I layed Marina Erakovic at the end of set 1. I fully expected Barbora Zahlavova-Strycova to come back and possibly win the tournament. She duly came back to win her first ever WTA title. Only, I'd redded-up long before then at the first sign that Erakovic was still playing well into set 2.
On Monday, the exact same thing happened as I layed the unreliable Jeremy Chardy when a set up against Frederico Gil. Gil also fought back to win the match. On Tuesday, I repeated the mistake TWICE more! I suffered 10 straight losses after the Man Utd v Chelsea game and despite a couple of wins here and there since, the losses have vastly outweighed them. I just have no confidence in what I'm doing and I've become negative and downbeat, without even realising it. I've said it a million times before on this blog and to myself but the biggest reason why I am not doing well as a trader is my own mind.
First, I start getting ahead of myself during a good spell, get casual, make a big error, then I lose the plot and go the other way. It's not rocket science to work out what needs to be changed. You could plot the mood patterns on a graph and the spikes and dips would correlate to the exact same positions every single time. This has been the worst graph yet though. The spikes have never been so high because I felt I was finally on the verge of cracking this game with a system that I actually enjoyed. But the dip has never been so low because I can't get over the sheer stupidity of that football bet. What has happened since, has spiralled out of control and I've just ended up repeating EXACTLY what I did during my previous period 'down the well'.
Is there any way back from this? Right now, I don't know. I wake up in the morning and am positive and prepared but the anxiety has returned and it's causing me to make school-boy errors that I wasn't making last week or pretty much any other week since March. The downturn has been so alarmingly fast that it has destroyed my bank, my confidence and my self-belief in just a couple of days. If only I could turn back the clock to 5pm on Sunday and just watch the football without a bet......