It's been a tumultuous past week. I can honestly say it's been one of the most difficult I've ever had as a trader. My biggest problem has been that I have still struggled to fully commit to my new strategy. Basically, this entails trading the market and taking good prices as opposed to trading the match and trying to predict who will win the next game / set / match. I did not realise quite how ingrained it is within me, to throw down money on the favourite or the player showing the better form on-court, without really thinking much about value. It has really proved frustrating this week because almost every time I've done this, I've lost money or gotten myself into a sticky situation. To compound the misery, almost every single time I've spotted an opportunity to follow my strategy correctly, I've chickened-out! And I've missed out on some fantastic profit because of this.
Something is holding me back from completely going for it and I know what it is - anxiety. I'm worried because the season is coming to a close and my bank is really small and I just don't seem to be getting anywhere. I look at what my profit SHOULD be and it just infuriates me even more. I'd be hundreds of pounds in the green yet instead, I'm hundreds in the red. There's no worse feeling in trading than knowing you would have done far better if only you'd done what you were meant to do.
Of course, that is a also a positive. I clearly have a strategy which appears to be successful when applied correctly. I should also add that I have really started to get to grips with my frustration issues. I am now much more accepting of my mistakes and losses and am starting to trade in a much calmer manner. I haven't really done anything rash this week, which is a step in the right direction and I have always remained positive and tried to wipe the slate clean mentally, before each game. Trust me, that hasn't been easy because I've made a lot of mistakes! It's been a very draining week emotionally and I've had to fight against all my natural urges but I think that it will stand me in good stead. I think you have to put yourself through these situations to find out how you will deal with them and work out how to over-come them. It's all about whether you are able to analyse correctly and learn from the situations and I believe that it is all finally sinking-in to a level where I am close to achieving the trader's mindset that I've always longed for.
It's been a week where nothing has gone for me. One of those periods where when I've done the wrong thing, I've been punished pretty much every time and when I've done the right thing, I miss out on profit by one point or see 0-40 pulled back to deuce or players miss sitters that you and I and even Fernando Torres with a tennis racquet would put away with ease. I've flung my arms into the air so much that I could be a one-man Mexican-wave, shaken my head in disbelief more than an England fan at a world cup and flashed so many wry smiles that to the casual observer, it may have seemed as if I have been enjoying myself. I haven't. It's been hell. I don't even know how I have managed to keep it together. Maybe all my experience is finally bearing fruit. The only problem is, it may be too late.