Well, I definitely lost the psychological battle this week. All week I have been struggling to focus. I don't know why but it's probably a combination of factors. I was drained from last week, tired generally, have let my exercise routines slip and have not re-stocked my supplements which aid my concentration. Maybe I took my eye off the ball slightly too. Whatever the reason, I found my mind wandering too often and it affected my trading. This was how I felt for 2 whole months back in the summer and I do not want a return to those days. It's been a real let-down after the highs of last week - what was I saying about false dawns?
With the WTA coming to its finale this year, I have really struggled with the ATP, as it isn't as conducive to opportunities for my strategy. It's something I was hoping to work on during the final few weeks of the season but I'll need to be in a much better state of mind in order for that to happen. I have resigned myself to the fact I'm going to need at least another month before I get my bank up to a level where I can be considered 'comfortable' and there is not enough tennis remaining for that to happen. I'm really now just hoping to get everything prepared and ready for next season, so that I start in January with no remaining question marks hanging over anything.
There's always that feeling with me that I am so near, yet so far away from making trading successful. I'm closer than I have ever been before but something always seems to crop up and set me back just as I feel as though I'm getting somewhere. Mentally, I am much stronger now and feel that I am free from all of the rash things I have done in the past. So I'm not worried about blowing my bank or going backwards for weeks on end or chasing on football or seeing red mist for several hours. Those days are gone. It's just the little errors, the brief moments of lost concentration, the tiny lapses of patience, that get the better of me every now and then. It's that consistency in all aspects of trading that I can't quite seem to pull together for more than a few days. Hopefully, another few weeks of getting used to my new approach should make the difference.
So the final month will involve ironing out any lingering issues so that I'm 100% certain of what I'm doing for a final tilt in 2012. Because if next year doesn't work out, I will definitely be quitting.