Monday, 28 January 2013

Murray v Djokovic: A Trader's Dream!!

WOW!! What a match we had to end the Australian Open in Melbourne! If you were trading this match, there is simply no way you could have lost money! With so many  momentum shifts, market fluctuations, ladder flip-flops, oscillating prices, ups and downs, peaks and troughs, twists and turns, oohs and aahs, backhands and forehands, spins and slices, drop shots and volleys, bubbles and squeaks, lager and limes, apples and pears, Ant and Decs, you would have profited from this match no matter what you did! If you backed Murray at the start, his price shortened considerably, if you backed Djokovic, HE WON!!

It really was a trader's dream, and not just any old dream, a WET dream, one involving Diane Youdale (better known as Jet from 90's TV smash 'Gladiators') and that blonde one off of Girls Aloud, who looks a right go-er! To be frank, if you lost money on this game you'd have to be an utterly shambolic, pathetic, non-entity of a man. I'd go as far as to say, you are a dufus of the highest order and should give that 45% APR credit card you so obviously used to debit your Betfair account, back to your Mummy because you should not have access to or be in possession of such funds with your limited capacity for simple thought processes.

Here's a graph of Djokovic's price which proves my point 100% and there's nothing anyone can say to refute that because you can't argue with facts presented in picture form:


Proof I'm sure you'll agree, that tennis trading is a piece of piss. I made a shit-load on this match and do on  every game of this ilk and guess what? You can too!

On a completely separate note, I've recently released "Sultan Tennis: The Complete Moron's Guide to Trading Tennis on Betfair". This comes highly recommended by myself and as you can't really lose money on tennis (unless you've got serious psychological disorders or a life-wrecking gambling addiction, in which case, sort it out guv!) the cost of this £75 guide (reduced from £999.99 for a limited time period only, just 19 copies remaining!!) will pay for itself in no time!

So if you've spent the past 5 years jizzing the family's shopping budget on 3am Copa Libertadores soccer action (live from Ecuador), why not give tennis trading a whirl instead? Go on, stop being such a mug and let the kids eat this week for a change. In fact, you can treat them to a Kerry Katona King Prawn & Cocaine Iceland Party Platter or one of them tasty Doner Kebab Pizzas what they do. After all, it's a no-lose situation!

Gisela Dulko:

31 comments:

  1. Really think you need to move on to be honest this post has done nothing to enhance your credibility at all, very poor show IMHO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lighten up, it's a joke FFS!! I'm not here to 'enhance credibility' I couldn't give a toss what anyone thinks because I have nothing to sell :)

      Delete
  2. "So if you've spent the past 5 years jizzing the family's shopping budget on 3am Copa Libertadores soccer action (live from Ecuador), why not give tennis trading a whirl instead?"

    HAHAHAHAHA!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. God I miss going to bed at 5am knowing I'll have to get up at 9am to chase back losses on Indian I-League football......halcyon days!

      Delete
  3. Sultan

    Ignore lay away I found it very funny, good to have a laugh on a monday morning you've got it nailed :-D

    Great blog as always keep up the good work!!!!

    Mr Eko

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cheers Mr Eko, always nice to hear!

      Delete
  4. Excellent, top of the pops, where can I buy your guide while the reduced price is on place ? Agree with you on Diane Youdale also.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Price has gone up again now mate! Jet is a goddess, I used to have her on my wall........

      Delete
    2. Ffs what's the price gone up to? £75 is a bit steep as it is. Please can you let me have the link please.

      Delete
    3. Don't worry, I'll have another offer for you soon, flying off the shelves like hot cakes so in order to be fair to all my members, I have to keep numbers low or liquidity will be compromised :)

      Delete
  5. does Gisela Dulko play tennis?

    damn hot!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She did but retired end of last season. Got married to one of the Real Madrid players, Gago, he probably wants her indoors washing his socks and being a proper WAG!

      Delete
  6. But Murray had 3 break points at the beginning of the 3rd and I backed him for £100000, how come I didnt win?

    ;)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Amusing post Sultan. Keep up the good work

    ReplyDelete
  8. A traders dream is to have Ivanovic, Georges or Shara back and lay me at my office

    Cheers

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Swap Sharapova for Dulko and I'm happy with that ;-)

      Delete
  9. ...you are missing the mega green screenshot ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  10. what, you said something above the picture of Gisela Dulko?

    mmmmmmmm

    ReplyDelete
  11. ROFL - Really good post. Great way to start the day :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Great post, very funny for a "red dog"! Keep up the excellent blog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cheers Digger! Sheep-shagger? ;-)

      Delete
    2. Oh yes, I certainly am pal!

      Delete
  13. Hahaha, great post Sultan, definitely one of my favourites! :)

    I had a teacher who looked like Jet! Man how I miss school!

    What's these Doner Kebab Pizzas you speak off? Surely don't exist, do they?!

    Looking forward to your monthly summary. Has your silent partner adventures started yet?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cheers Jack! I definitely miss Jet but I definitely don't miss school - hated it!

      I don't know if they still sell these pizzas but they did exist - saw it in an article about worst food in Britain!

      No, no deal struck as yet. Watch this space.......

      Delete
  14. Hey and can't believe Dulko retired?! Loved watching her (who wouldn't)! Why did she retired? Just because she got married or injury related?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She said she'd just had enough, basically!

      Delete

Note: only a member of this blog may post a comment.